U.S.
Oprah to Honor Messiah with White House Christmas Special
HOLLYWOOD, D.C. – The queen of daytime and the king of borrowed time will team up for an unprecedented Christmas special scheduled to air December 13 on ABC. Broadcasting live from Washington, Oprah Winfrey will reunite with President Barack Obama for the first time since January’s inauguration. The network has already kicked off an extensive promotional... more »
Mao-y Christmas to The One and All
WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the Christmas season approaches, visions of sugar plums dance in the heads of millions of Americans – millions of unemployed Americans who, in lieu of fruity hallucinations, would likely prefer paychecks dancing in their bank accounts. For others, the holidays are overshadowed by concerns for the future of health care, free... more »
Big Obama Escalates War on Ungood
AIRSTRIP ONE, D.C. – The assault by the White House on perceived obstacles to the Obama agenda rages on. Today, already fully engaged in the war on Fox News, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin and hard-working Americans with good jobs, the President signed an executive order that brings the fight to a popular segment of... more »
A Very Barry Halloween
WASHINGTON, D.C. – There was a full moon over Washington as Barack and Michelle Obama celebrated their first Halloween in the White House Saturday night. Finally taking a much-needed break from golfing and gardening, the President and First Lady hosted an extravagant invitation-only affair with a guest list limited to a handful of friends,... more »
Things Rush Limbaugh Never Said
WEST PALM BEACH, Florida – The pseudo-apologies and retractions continue to trickle in from pundits caught falsely attributing racist statements to Rush Limbaugh, but the conservative talk show king remains no less vigilant when it comes to protecting the integrity of his message. To that end, Limbaugh has opted to stay one step ahead of... more »
Obama Wins Cy Young Award
NEW YORK, New York – Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig announced late Friday that the recipient of the 2009 American League Cy Young Award will be United States President Barack Obama (0‑0). The announcement shocked reporters, who gasped upon hearing the President’s name, and stunned a number of Las Vegas sports books, some scrambling to... more »
Let the O-Games Begin
WASHINGTON, D.C – Desperate to recover from a humiliating rejection by the International Olympic Committee in Copenhagen, President Barack Obama has announced his support for an alternative event to be hosted by the City of Chicago in 2016. The Obamalympics, named for the games’ founder, will feature world class competition in forty-four disciplines sure to... more »
Top Ten Other Revelations About David Letterman
NEW YORK, New York – Once 62-year-old Late Show host David Letterman confessed to having sex with several of his employees, presumably all females, it didn’t take long for fans and critics to start speculating about what else might be revealed as the 62-year-old star’s extortion ordeal unfolds. In a letter delivered to 62-year-old Letterman,... more »
She’s a 4.7
LOS ANGELES, California – City officials are continuing to assess the impact of an earthquake that struck near Los Angeles International Airport on Monday. The magnitude 4.7 event caused minor damage and a few injuries just southeast of the airport, but, for the most part, Los Angeles escaped unaffected. Seismologists believe they have pinpointed the quake’s... more »
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