Obama Wins Cy Young Award
NEW YORK, New York – Major League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig announced late Friday that the recipient of the 2009 American League Cy Young Award will be United States President Barack Obama (0‑0).
The announcement shocked reporters, who gasped upon hearing the President’s name, and stunned a number of Las Vegas sports books, some scrambling to make good on a handful of bets that paid off at nearly 1.5 million to 1.
“While the president’s season stats may be less than typically Cy Young worthy (1 ball, 0 strikes and 0 wins),” the League’s citation read,” the committee wishes to acknowledge the hope that Barack Obama has given to underachieving benchwarmers around the world.”
“Clearly not a steroid user, lacking natural ability and having never practiced a day in his life,” Commissioner Selig said, “Obama casually expressed a desire to throw one over the plate. If that isn’t baseball at its best …”
In his only official appearance (at the 2009 All-Star Game), President Obama, wearing a Chicago White Sox jersey and a pair of “mom jeans,” sailed an 11-MPH circle changeup into the stands. When the crowd erupted in approval, it wasn’t immediately clear how many were enthused about the president’s effort and how many were cheering the bloopers on the Jumbo-Tron, but members of the Cy Young selection committee were clearly among the former.
“Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the baseball world’s attention and given the worst players among us hope for a better future.” remarked one committee member.
Baseball’s Cy Young Award is not the only unexpected honor bestowed upon the American president. Earlier in the day, Obama was informed that a panel of Norwegian judges voted to give him the Nobel Peace Prize, and on Monday, Mr. Obama will travel to Winnipeg where he will receive recognition from Pappy’s Clowntown Ice Cream Parlor for finishing the Mega-Goop 20-Scoop Super-Duper Sundae in one sitting.
President Obama has often expressed a fondness for ice cream and a desire to visit Winnipeg some day.
LOL!!! This is getting shared.
Winnipeg! LOL!
OK, Kanye’s out. Margie’s the new PR Director.
Margie gets promoted! Yay Margie!