Let the O-Games Begin
WASHINGTON, D.C – Desperate to recover from a humiliating rejection by the International Olympic Committee in Copenhagen, President Barack Obama has announced his support for an alternative event to be hosted by the City of Chicago in 2016.
The Obamalympics, named for the games’ founder, will feature world class competition in forty-four disciplines sure to attract participants from all around the world, but mostly Chicago.
Among the games slated:
Gitmo-Roman Appeasement, in which contenders will navigate a gauntlet of military advisors and Constitutional scholars to deliver korans and chardonnay to a panel of judges who will immediately deduct 10 points and explode.
Socialized Swimming, nearly identical to synchronized swimming, but each participant will finish fifth regardless of ability, effort or artistic impression.
Taekwon-Duh will test a competitor’s ability to speak without a teleprompter.
The Tour d’Apology will require cyclists to race from embassy to embassy and express their deepest regrets for everything from American imperialism to American Gladiators.
4X100 Relay Race Baiting, a demonstration sport at the first Obamalympics, will involve throwing Jeremiah Wright, Louis Gates, Van Jones and Bertha Lewis under a bus, while an all-white panel of judges awards points for speed, style and believability.
The Special Obamalympics, scheduled to take place the following week, will consist of nothing but bowling.
Great piece! I laughed through the whole thing!
GREAT!
Love the Socialized Swimming event!
FANTASTIC!
Brilliant!
I had hoped to learn that the Obamalympics Central Committee was working on an event during which Keith Olberman’s body would be used for something akin to a target …. javelin, archery, shot put, you get the idea.
Keith has been designated Obamalympic Village Idiot.