Smells Like Tehran Spirit
NEW YORK, New York – When controversial Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad began his 90-minute address to the United Nations last Wednesday, representatives from at least twelve nations headed for the doors. The mass exodus, however, initially thought to be part of a widely anticipated protest, actually had very little to do with the leader’s remarks.
Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Lawrence Cannon tells The Bald Eaglet that UN technicians were busy trying to troubleshoot a glitch in the sound system that feeds live translations to attendees, but Ahmadinejad started to speak anyway.
“None of it got through – not one word – but, you know,” Cannon said, “every time the guy opened his mouth, it was like inhaling a goat. Seriously, dude needs a breath mint ”
Chronic halitosis seemed to be the consensus among evacuees. Even a French diplomat, while conceding his own country’s long-standing issues with unsavory aromas, expressed his displeasure. “I haven’t used deodorant in eighteen years, but that was just off-the-scale nasty. Coming from me, that’s saying something.”
Room service personnel at New York’s Intercontinental Hotel, where the Iranian leader slept before his appearance, revealed that the president stirred some potentially related controversy there as well.
One Intercontinental employee explained, “I say him virgin goat no on menu. Tiny man say cut off head. I go find goat. Boss he tell Carlos buy bed sheet. Pay him new ceiling fan. Crazy goat man no welcome aqui.”
Ahmadinejad’s representative in Tehran, Muhammad al-Muhammad, stopped short of issuing an official apology but did concede that the President “does tend to fancy the quadrupeds – praise be to Allah – no doubt about that.”
